Phonology will not get the best of me. I just hate that I need to study so much to avoid that happening.

So, 'sup people? I noticed you were much more keen on answering questions about your dinner than your personal problems, and I enjoyed your comments - or rather, having you comment - so much that I'll keep my questions on a superficial level for now. Oh, the sacrifices I make for my, what, fifteen-twenty-ish readers? God, how pathetic... Seriously, though: Thanks for commenting. Makes me happy, it does. (See? You blew Troubled Tuesday right there - no-one but yourself to blame, no siree!)

Speaking of Tuesday (again), I've noticed a slight change in my personality lately. I have always been the kind of girl who feels a lot. I listen to people's stories, and I understand their pain, I cry with them, that dress looks great on you, it's OK to wallow, honey, just let it out. 'Troubled Tuesday,' I thought, 'that'll be a breeze!' Well, that was before The Transition. Now all of a sudden I'm this extreme cynic - I'm no meaner to anyone per se, I just don't care as much - who would rather watch endless reruns of '7th Heaven' than listen to one more story about that guy and the mixed signals and that one time at band camp. At least then I wouldn't have to nod in that sympathising, head-tilting 'I feel you' way.

So I learned to say 'no' to people, meaning I finally got to call (off) some of the shots - go me! If I had felt anything at all, I'd have felt liberated.

And probably really, really mean. Because I know I'm one of them, I really do. I can whinge and moan and wallow in my misery like the best of 'em. But there is a fine, fine line between friend and psychologist, and when it is crossed too often I tend to lose the will to be either. Unless, of course, I get paid.

I did not get any sleep last night. I blame Coffee.

Bad Coffee!

You have no idea what it’s like just lying there, waiting to get sleepy, but failing miserably, and instead ending up wishing you had a TV set just so you could watch numerous re-runs of America’s Next Top Model, because even that would be more entertaining than the insane boredom that comes with not being able to fall asleep. You feel good about yourself now, Coffee? I told you, no action after 9 pm. I mean seriously, what have I ever done to you? I have loved you, cherished our friendship, and this is how you repay me. I thought I knew you…

On a different note, I’ve just handed in this semester’s first paper. And I did not die. All that drama, and for what?

Yeah, my life is just one big disappointment today.

I stayed up until three thirty last night, and handed in THE CRAPPIEST of papers I think I've ever written. Got up at eight. So tired now.

The gorgeous coffee man, I've found out, is named Thomas. Have I mentioned the gorgeous coffee man? He owns this café up by the university. Young, good-looking and almost suspiciously friendly, all I have to do is open the door, he'll look up and say 'enkel cappuccino uten kanel og sukker, sant?' and practically have started making it already. What is more, when I've finished it, he'll bring me another. It I'm still there after that one, yet another. He calls them refills, and only charges me for the first one, sometimes under-charging me for that one as well. And yes, I know he does it to all the girls, but it still makes you feel a little special. Not special, perhaps, but at least your presence is being acknowledged by someone you know doesn't just want your money.
Today I told him I didn't feel comfortable accepting free coffees from someone I didn't know, so I introduced myself, he followed suit, and now we have a harmonious relationship consisting of long café visits, short chats and buckets of near-perfect cappuccino.
The evening Nescafé just doesn't cut it anymore.

Plan for tomorrow: Listen to as much as possible of Great Expectations, finish The Buddha of Suburbia and Julius Cæsar. This, I've decided, is my literature week. Next week, hopefully, will be civilisation week. I'm so looking forward to the holidays, I want to just read copious amounts of literature. I'm making a mental list of all the books I want to read, it's impossibly long, but still. Everything from classics (Homer & Vergil) to modern fiction and to essays, I feel like devouring books (something I know I'm completely incapable of, but I like thinking that if I try hard enough, I can do it). At the moment I'm obsessed with Joan Didion's 'Slouching Towards Bethlehem', especially her bit 'On Self-Respect'. It's so true that it hurts to read, and I hate it and I love it.

May the beautiful weather last a couple of more days.

Regina Spektor, Regina Spektor, Regina Spektor, Regina Spektor, Regina Spektor, Regina Spektor, Regina Spektor.
I read somewhere that if you read something seven times, it will stick. So now you'll remember the name of a beautiful, beautiful musician for the rest of your life.

It's Monday morning, even though it doesn't feel that way. I've never understood people's general hate of Mondays, I don't really mind them myself. They mean possibilities, hope and all the other little things that, in the end, are the things that keep us going. Or, in my case, alternating between running and sitting exhausted by the side of the road, waiting to be helped out.

But it's not just any old Monday, it's the workers' day. The day of solidarity and companionship, the day of standing up for your rights, the day of... sitting indoors. It's raining, and I'm picky about my weather. BUT I am going out tonight! To a concert, in fact, with A. I'm so looking forward to it, for all kinds of reasons. I miss the boy. Things are wierd, but good-wierd. No amount of rain, sleet, wind, broken heels, ill-timed periods, allergy, schoolwork or songs by Gaute Ormåsen can take away this jittery anticipation.

First, though, come enormous amounts of coffee and vigorous studying.

Fruit of the day: Pears. SO good right now, if you buy them and then leave them on the counter top for a day. YUM.

Song of the day: Good God... Do I have to pick one? Hmmm... Maybe The Magnetic Fields, 'I don't want to get over you'. Or maybe Regina Spektor, 'Us' or 'Samson' or 'Oedipus' or any number of other songs. 'Run Run Run' by The Pipas. 'Antonio's Song' by Radka Toneff. 'Dog' by El Perro Del Mar. Meh, forget it, just listen to your own stuff for now.

Beverage of the day: Coffee, since we've run out of good tea and now only have wimpy Lady Grey and this really odd-tasting impulse-bought cherry thing.

Semi-guilty pleasure of the day: Vanilla kesam on pears. Actually, any dairy product. Dairy is my friend. (I can hear my thighs screaming 'NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Dairy is MEAN TO US!!!!!!' - but I choose to ignore them. Who am I to listen to the masses?)

Quote of the day: Having been surrounded by no other cultural impulse than indie pop for days now, this has to be a song. A very long quote, then, by the Magnetic Fields:

I don't want to get over you. I guess I could take
a sleeping pill and sleep at will and not have to
go through what I go through. I guess I should take
Prozac, right, and just smile all night at somebody new,
Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind who would
try to get you off my mind. I could leave this agony behind
which is just what I'd do if I wanted to, but I don't
want to get over you cause I don't want to get over love.
I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist
and not have to dream of what I dream of; I could listen
to all my friends and go out again and pretend it's enough,
or I could make a career of being blue--I could dress
in black and read Camus, smoke clove cigarettes and drink
vermouth like I was 17 that would be a scream but I
don't want to get over you.

Most amusing thing done so far today: Charleston-ing with mum to Trang Fødsel in our robes, while waiting for the coffee to be ready.

Thing most likely to make me happy today: Finishing bits of work. Seeing A. Iron & Wine and Calexico. Beer. Veggies and dip, the new microwave popcorn. Rain easing up.

Thing most likely to make me snappy today: Not figuring out what to wear. A surprise monster zit (actually, that's not so likely). Breaking a nail (they're really nice now, ok?!). Sold-out tickets. Having to wear ugly, rain-resistant shoes. My hair (what else is new).

First thing I'll do once the shops are open again: Return a 35 cm pile of library books. Buy a beautiful umbrella that I can't afford. Window shop (an activity initially planned for today, but, like the revolution, postponed because of rain. YES, mum and I were going to go into town on Gro-dagen for the sole purpose of window shopping. You have a problem with that?)

Off to get a life now.
Remember to breathe!

...Does my coffee always go cold before I have time to drink it?? It is a mystery. A conundrum, if you will. It sucks.

The Shins have made a very wonderful cd called Chutes Too Narrow. I recommend getting it. Listening to it on the bus, for those of you who have kept these wonderful little oh-so-90's contraptions known as discmans (? Discmen? No, Dischunks! Discsinglehunkswithagoodsenseofhumour? Must stop this, replacing the men in my life with electronic equipment). Right, anyway:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shins/pinkbullets.html

I'm going to make myself a cup of coffee now. I will leave it to cool for two minutes and TIME IT and then drink the whole thing down in a very big gulp. Yes. That is what I am going to do.
And dream of those cool summer mornings yet to come, the mornings with the beautiful golden air.

This was not part of my plan. To be in my bathrobe at almost ten o'clock in the morning, listening to Suzanne Vega, making myself coffee, with a very sore throat again because I've refused to wear a scarf for the past two weeks, trying desparately to convince myself that it's not f***ing freezing outside even though it's APRIL. And it's not even sunny. Oh well, suppose I've deserved this. Not so sleepy, just a little 'sticky-eyed'. Looking forward to coffee and a shower, like the stereotype I am (or am trying to be).
Ooh, and my face isn't so blotchy and wierd any more since I decided to give skincare a rest for a week or two. Annoying because that means I've wasted lots of money on completely useless stuff, but happy happy all the same. My nose is almost all better and even though I have an itchy spot on my neck for some odd reason, I far prefer this state to the red-and-dry-and-blotchy-and-super-sensitive one. Happy happy happy.
God, my throat hurts.
Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee. Yay!
Slightly underdeveloped sense of language this time of day, it seems. Ooh, I love 'Blood makes noise'. Coffee.
Coffee!
Must stop this. So ok, what's going on in my mind right now (call it social science):
- MMmmm......coffee!
- "If you want me, you can find me left of centre wondering about you" *bob back and forth to the music*
- What to wear, what to wear...
- Feet cold. Hrmf.
- Note to self: Must learn that folding clothes magically makes a room more tidy. And I like magic.
- Wondering what the literature lecture today is on. Think it might be James Joyce - The Dead, but not sure. Only a short story, but haven't read it all the same.
- I completely lost my train of thought now. Oh well. Your loss.
Must start day. And I make really, really bad coffee. Let there be spring and Suzanne Vega for all the world.

Today is the ultimate fat day. NOTHING looks good - or it looks wonderful before it is actually on me, and its being on me is kind of crucial. If this were a skinny day I'd be happy to strut around in my underwear, carrying pretty clothes on hangers in front of me, but since strutting is one of the activities I'm less likely to be indulging in today, that doesn't really work either. Hm.
I love Loose Fur. Took me a couple of times to get used to, but it's doing my mind good right now.

But AH! Dammit! I've made myself espresso, mixed it with hot milk and made a sort og café au lait with honey (it's really good even though it's not common), so soon the caffeine will either make me feel loads worse or loads better. I cannot believe you're still reading this, by the way.

I don't know which emoticon my mood qualifies for today, perhaps not 'jubilant', but one of the happy ones, at least. There is no other reason for me to be updating now, really, but it's a nice day today. It's sunny and, if not warm, at least not windy and awful. And there are birds, too. I'm reading, drinking tea (which miraculously manages to go cold before I drink it EVERY TIME. Eating pieces of oranges, wearing a big woolen jumper and trackies. Big, big socks, and they're pink too, making them so wonderful.

Have read a little more of Houellebecq, almost done with the first part, and a lot of British history (compared to my usual daily dose of it, which would be - uh - nothing). Feeling completely not-fit-to-be-seen, but the thought that I won't have to be for another few hours is comforting. I'm just warm and fuzzy (and spotty and ponytail-y) and enjoying the lack of racket from the hallway, usually caused by new neighbours moving in.

I'm going to visit Linda in her new flat later on, really looking forward to it, seeing the place (which I bet looks awesome), possibly meeting her boy, having a good chat about everything. I know she's having trouble staying motivated in school at the moment, same as me, so there's that, and the breaking-up business which I suppose will also be on the list of topics. It's been a while since the last time I sat on someone else's sofa with a big cup of coffee and a rug. Keeping myself warm is getting a bit lonely. But I'm being a good girl and rebuilding my social life: Friday there's a little get-together thing with my choir, then on Saturday I'm going to a concert with Ann Kristin, and on Sunday I may try to drag some lucky person to go and see Troll i Eske at Cinemateket. This last one depends on whether or not I get some work done during the weekend. Not that that's of interest to anyone but myself... Focus, stupid woman. So anyway, things will some day work out, I'm sure. It's exactly how on earth I will manage to get that to happen that is the question. I have a few semi-plans in the making, but I'll get back to that later. Right now I'll get back to my books and tea (crap! COld, again! How does this happen to me?!) but if my concentration fails I might bestowe a little of my cyberspace-ly wisdom on you all by inserting a link or two during the day. I'm sure you're all giddy with excitement over this. Yay. Peace, harmony etc.